The door opened shortly after he rung the doorbell.
"Is this you?', he asked pointing to the name printed on the slip in his hand.
"What do you want?"
"I am from the courier company ma'am."
"So?"
"I am supposed to pick up an order."
"Order? As in a lunch order?"
"Oh, no, that's not what I meant ma'am."
"Then?"
"You had ordered the return of a product you bought from the on-line shop. I am here to pick that up."
"Do you know what the return item is supposed to be?"
"Yes, ma'am."
"What?"
"A handbag."
"Hmm."
"So, ma'am, the -"
"Do you happen to know the reason for return?"
"No, ma'am."
"When do you provide with the replacement?"
"Err, ma'am, that's not in my hands."
"Do you also offer refund instead of replacement?"
"Ma'am, I am really not the person to answer that. I am just-"
"Oh, whatever, she lives in the apartment upstairs."
"She, who?"
"The one you are looking for. Now, move along, and stop wasting my time. Just because I am a housewife doesn't mean I don't have any work. Huh!"
The door closed shut.

Her.

He held her head close to his chest, as if trying to make her listen to the heart that wept for her. He knew, this was the last time he would ever hold her. Few seconds passed. They felt like an amalgamation of a moment and an eternity. His soul said "I love you". No, it was not a whisper. Just his whole body willing her to feel the emotion. He knew she would not understand. A single bead running down his cheek landed on her head. Though highly resistant, he parted.

His back towards her, he started walking away, aware that even a slight hesitation would lead to spending more time holding her. He could not afford that. He could not afford to keep his wife in agony, anymore. His wife.

He started formulating the ways in which he would convey what he intended to tell her, but none seemed gentle enough. Gentle? He mentally reproached himself for even thinking that there could be a comforting way to put this. This.

It was late at night. How late, he didn't know. Time had ceased to matter. But judging by the sparse presence of people in the long, white corridor, and from the previous nights spent there, he gathered it would be close to around 1.30 a.m. He began wondering why those few people still remained present. Were they going to face the same pains he was going through? Or was theirs going to be a more of "happy ending", as the cinema blatantly portrayed?

He did not know why he was even pondering over the irrelevant issues. He had a big task ahead of him, and a not-so-clear idea of how he was going to go about it. Perhaps, he was escaping. Only mentally, though, because, physically, however painful it felt, his body was dragging him into the general direction of where his wife awaited him. The other end of the corridor. End

He knew his tears should be welling up, but they weren't, and he knew why. Had he not prepared himself for this, his legs would have given up long back. But they didn't. And he continued walking.

Those times, the happier times, he knew his wife had planned for them together, they were now not going to be the same. Same? He wasn't sure if there were ever going to be any such moments now on. The future looked so bleak that even the bright light flooding the hallway seemed pitch black. The vision seemed to fade, and he felt as if he was staring into the darkness. The darkness felt real. Too real to be a figment of imagination. A split second of mental clarity later, he perceived that the darkness was indeed real. He had blanked out, possibly due to the amount of stress that his body was under. Body. Her body. Her.

With a jolt, he felt cold metal in his palm. Subconsciously, without even realising it, he had reached the door of his wife's room, and his hand was set to turn the knob open. Taking a moment to gather himself, he stood still. Maybe it was a moment. Maybe longer. He did not know. He had no way of knowing, only entering. He entered.

As he stepped in, he saw his wife's eyes meet his, full of questions she wasn't sure she wanted an answer to. The eyes begged to be relieved of the pain of not knowing. The eyes that portrayed dismay and hope; dismay, at what she knew she was about to find out, hope, of materialisation of the bliss she had always dreamt of.

This was what his eyes read. To others, they would have looked plain tired. The lifeless face, the dried lips, the unkempt hair. Clothed in the hospital's robes, she looked even more fragile than he remembered. He had been gazing at her for long when, rendering her voice forcibly steady, she broke his trance.

"You have something to tell me."

Silently clearing his choked throat, he made sure when he said it, she heard him coherently in one go.

"I have something to tell you. Our infant did not survive." 

For the infinite tears that have been shed
For the things that have been left unsaid
For the purposes that remain unachieved
For the heart that has eternally grieved
For the silences that have stretched on
For the joys that have been long gone
The night brings along a window to let the guard fall;
A while to feel all that hurts, before the morning ruins it all.

The twists and turns
The heart that burns
The sleep that escapes
The mind that raves
The thoughts that intertwine
The ticks that hold the time
Oh, Night, why do you not swallow me!
For, no other would relieve me of the agony 

Changed

He took her hand, led her to his world
Starry-eyed, she looked at the colorful whirl
Each sight a fascination,
Straight from her imagination.
Took some time to take it all in,
And then, there was a knock within.
Slowly, her eyes fell to her feet
He saw a sorrow emerge from the glee
"What's wrong?" he asked, as tears welled up her eyes
"This is your world, not my reality", she replied,
"But for you, I would strive to fit in, I really would try"
As she so resolved, he smiled and wiped her tears dry.

Day after day, she tried and she cried.
Changed, but he wasn't satisfied.
Then, one day, he said,
"I'm sorry", and left.
She stood alone in a world she didn't know
Followed him, all he said was "Let me go"

Why then did he turn her world upside down?
He thought it would be fun to hang around.
He would say he loved her, oh, what a bunch of lies!
All he felt was kindness, all he did was sympathize. 

Untitled

Once again, all on my own
Don't feel strong enough to reach the phone
Don't really care
For the mess that's my hair
There is a weird quiet around me
Not something that used to be
A strange surrounding,
Breathtaking, spellbounding
It's the same place
Sans, the pace
The chase, that was ear-splitting,
Replaced by a calm, settling
I can hear my breath's sound
And my heart's rhythmic pound
I close my eyes
And not care about the time that flies
My mind is thoughtless for a while,

My lips etch a careless smile

I care not for the worries of tomorrow

Nor do I feel a joy or a sorrow

Disguised by numerous layers, not anymore

I peep into my soul, I search my core

Blending into nothingness, I become me

And the voids within, resonate the peace.

morey naina

तोह  से  कहे  मोरे  नैना 

उजरे  से  हुए  मोरे  रैना 

तोरे  मन  को  मैं  जानूँ  न

का  है  ये,  मैं  पहचानूँ  न 

पर  तोरे  अखियन  के  भवसागर  से

मैं  बचना  चाहूँ  न 

तोह  से  कहे  मोरे  नैना 

उजरे  से  हुए  मोरे  रैना 

पढ़  ले  ओ  गोरी

का  कहें  ये  तो  से

मिले  जो  इक  बार 

बिछड़ना  चाहें  न  तो  से 

होवे  है  अजब  कशिश 

ओझल  हो  जब  तू  इन  नज़रों  से 

तोह  से  कहे  मोरे  नैना 

उजरे  से  हुए  मोरे  रैना 

बस  में  रहे  अब  न  मोरा  जिया 

पूछे  हर  घड़ी  मुझसे,  आवेंगे  कब  पिया 

देखे  तोरे  नैनों  को  जिस  पल  ये  नैन 

लगे  सागर  से  मिली  नदिया 

तोह  से  कहे  मोरे  नैना 

उजरे  से  हुए  मोरे  रैना